Starting Over With Friendships at 33

Many couples experience the breaking up of friendships when the relationship ends and I certainly did when my ex and I split. My divorce left me with very few friends. All of my close friends were through the relationship with my ex-husband and most of them were with my sister-in-laws so once we split, those relationship ties were cut as well. Through decisions of theirs, mine, and just busy lives. And, the other couples friends we had faded away. So, I was left to pick up the pieces.

This made me question a lot because I desired true friendship. I found myself always looking in admiration at those who have had friends or a best friend for over 10 years and still going strong. This made me question myself and, at first, I took the victim approach. What is wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone want to be in my life for the long haul? Why do I push people away? But, through this journey, I’ve learned that people come into our lives for reasons, seasons, and phases and can’t always come with us for our next chapter. When I realized that, it took me out of the ‘whoa is me’ mentality and placed me in gratitude for all of the people that have been in my life. Every single one of them served a purpose in my life and I in theirs.

I had to shed all I knew in order to find me. The woman (or actually women) I was when I was with them was not truly me. I had no clue who I was. My entire life had been lived for, through, and by everyone else in my life. I had no true identity of who I was. I was not safe in my being. I was not held or supported by myself. I’d abandon myself at any chance to be “loved” and then wonder why I felt so disconnected and afraid of being left and alone. I would hold such a tight grip on anything or anyone in my life. It was unhealthy. And, through my divorce, and being alone which I feared, was the way for me to dig deep through all of the heartache and to question myself entirely in order to know me. And I finally realized at 33 years old, I had to start over.