I have experienced loss in my life, yet none more intensely than in the last four years. And I know that with any loss comes the opportunity to grieve.
In this season of losses stretching over the last four years, I realized somewhere along the way, that I became really good at avoiding the grief I was experiencing. I would throw myself into projects, work, cleaning; really anything that would give me distraction.
However, the grief I was avoiding never failed to find a time to present itself. I was afraid and overwhelmed by it all. I did not want to let the floodgates give way. And honestly, the longer I held it in, the larger the flood became. What if I cannot shut it off? What if I fall apart completely and nothing can put me back together? What if…
Honestly, I can say that of all people I should know exactly how to process grief. For more than 12 years, I have been immersed in the grief community, serving and volunteering those who are grieving.
I have walked alongside so many people and supported them. And a few years ago, there I was, unable to offer the same opportunity to myself I have offered to so many others. I think the word you could be thinking of is - Hypocrite.
When I finally agreed to allow the floodgates to open and to allow myself to grieve, a practice of releasing started to form. If you have read my other blog - suffering in silence, you already know one of those releasing practices. I wanted to take some time and introduce you to a few other key methods that are a part of my practice.
Whether these connect with you or not, I invite you to find methods that will develop your own practice of releasing.
“Allow yourself to release the emotions you have struggled all your life to contain.”
Take a Bath
A Bath - this one is for my body. I give a lot of credit to my body and trust its experience, I never liked baths before but now I see how important they are for my body to process what is going on. For me, dim lights, candles, Epsom salt, lavender oil and a bath bomb, go quite well with some soothing soundtracks.
Listen to Healing Sounds
This next activity I use for all things and grieving is no exception is...Music. Specifically, bio-lateral sound healing and worship music are the most grounding for me. Whenever I am honoring the need to express the internal anguish that comes with loss, music speaks to those internal parts that need to be heard and validated. I have included a link to David Grand PhD - Brainspotting BioLateral Sound Healing if you want to listen!
Write It Down
Journaling - growing up I loved journaling - mainly about what was happening that day or about boys. Now, I have expanded journaling into a practice that holds strong in my life. I worked really hard this past year as I was going through fertility treatments to hone this skill further using Susannah Conway's "Journal Your Life" e-course. I highly recommend it!
Let Them Go
For the last three years, I have been on a releasing journey. Releasing anything and everything that does not serve me, my marriage, or those closest to me. With that releasing journey came a lot of tears. The flood gates probably began upwards of four years ago when I attended a women’s retreat.
Crying is a must for me. If you want to know how I have come to terms with this staple activity and what I thought about crying a few years ago, read my blog post "Suffering in Silence". Check it out now!
Share With Others
Share with someone else - I am blessed to have countless people in my life that listen to my loss. The first way I share is through prayer. I use journaling as a medium for prayer and I am thankful for the release and peace I experience through prayer.
Another very important person in my life is my husband. Sharing with him is not always easy - again - master avoider over here! However, like I talk about in the blog post on tears, I need others' support in processing the losses I experience. Who is one person you can share with, even when it's hard, even when it may involve them?
About Jenna Corcoran, LMFT
Therapist at Stillpoint Healing
My goal at Stillpoint is to use all I have culminated in my 10+ years of diverse experiences in the professional and volunteer world to support you and your family. Along with the targeted trainings and continuing education necessary to support the unique needs of you and your family, I will be a part of the healing journey with you.