The Practice of Releasing Loss

I have experienced loss in my life, yet none more intensely than in the last four years. And I know that with any loss comes the opportunity to grieve. 

In this season of losses stretching over the last four years, I realized somewhere along the way, that I became really good at avoiding the grief I was experiencing. I would throw myself into projects, work, cleaning; really anything that would give me distraction.

However, the grief I was avoiding never failed to find a time to present itself. I was afraid and overwhelmed by it all. I did not want to let the floodgates give way. And honestly, the longer I held it in, the larger the flood became. What if I cannot shut it off? What if I fall apart completely and nothing can put me back together? What if…

Honestly, I can say that of all people I should know exactly how to process grief. For more than 12 years, I have been immersed in the grief community, serving and volunteering those who are grieving. 

I have walked alongside so many people and supported them. And a few years ago, there I was, unable to offer the same opportunity to myself I have offered to so many others. I think the word you could be thinking of is - Hypocrite.

When I finally agreed to allow the floodgates to open and to allow myself to grieve, a practice of releasing started to form. If you have read my other blog - suffering in silence, you already know one of those releasing practices. I wanted to take some time and introduce you to a few other key methods that are a part of my practice.

Whether these connect with you or not, I invite you to find methods that will develop your own practice of releasing.

“Allow yourself to release the emotions you have struggled all your life to contain.”

- Ellen Bass

Take a Bath

A Bath - this one is for my body. I give a lot of credit to my body and trust its experience, I never liked baths before but now I see how important they are for my body to process what is going on. For me, dim lights, candles, Epsom salt, lavender oil and a bath bomb, go quite well with some soothing soundtracks.

Listen to Healing Sounds

This next activity I use for all things and grieving is no exception is...Music. Specifically, bio-lateral sound healing and worship music are the most grounding for me. Whenever I am honoring the need to express the internal anguish that comes with loss, music speaks to those internal parts that need to be heard and validated. I have included a link to David Grand PhD - Brainspotting BioLateral Sound Healing if you want to listen!

Write It Down

Journaling - growing up I loved journaling - mainly about what was happening that day or about boys. Now, I have expanded journaling into a practice that holds strong in my life. I worked really hard this past year as I was going through fertility treatments to hone this skill further using Susannah Conway's "Journal Your Life" e-course. I highly recommend it!

Let Them Go

For the last three years, I have been on a releasing journey. Releasing anything and everything that does not serve me, my marriage, or those closest to me. With that releasing journey came a lot of tears. The flood gates probably began upwards of four years ago when I attended a women’s retreat.

Crying is a must for me. If you want to know how I have come to terms with this staple activity and what I thought about crying a few years ago, read my blog post "Suffering in Silence". Check it out now!

Share With Others

Share with someone else - I am blessed to have countless people in my life that listen to my loss. The first way I share is through prayer. I use journaling as a medium for prayer and I am thankful for the release and peace I experience through prayer.

Another very important person in my life is my husband. Sharing with him is not always easy - again - master avoider over here! However, like I talk about in the blog post on tears, I need others' support in processing the losses I experience. Who is one person you can share with, even when it's hard, even when it may involve them?